


MMM The Big Slappy: The Corn Awakens

by philiphamilton



Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: F/M, M/M, tw for body horror and blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 10:20:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11079591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/philiphamilton/pseuds/philiphamilton
Summary: The corn, the myth, the legend...





	MMM The Big Slappy: The Corn Awakens

It's been a full year since the happenings of the corn field. This day was a historic day and soon would be known by many. A monument was rectified to commemorate this glorious, yet tragic day. Kass Zirschnitz was the tour guide, as she knew most of what happened. After all, her husband was THE Georg Zirschnitz, friend and secret lover of Melchior Gabor. Melchior was one of the sad souls who died on that buttery day. Kass secured the hat on her head with the words, "BIG SLAPPY TOUR NSFW" on the front.

As she recalled the day, a tear formed in her eye and dropped on the very spot where they all once stood. The tear whipped and nae nae'd out of her eye onto the ground.

Suddenly, the ground began rumbling and corn shout out of the ground. Many of the tourists were impaled. The statues of Melchior, Hanschen, Big Bird, and more cracked and out came Melchior and Hanschen, looking disheveled. Kass screamed, "You're- You're ALIVE!" 

Melchior pulled a corn husk out of his ass and nodded. "Yeah, I can't say so for the others though."

"The Corn Lord has them captive." Hanschen groaned.

Kass screamed again. "THE CORN LORD?! WHO?"

Hanschen angrily pissed on Melchior's shoe. "HE'S JUST THE CORN LORD, SHUT THE FUCK UP KASS."

Kass quieted down and a look of horror sprawled out across her face. "How do... you know my name?"

"Hanschen's psychic."

"No, Melchior," Hanschen said while ripping Melchior's penis off. "She has a name tag."

"Oh." Kass said.

"WE HAVE TO STOP THE CORN LORD, LET'S GO!" Melchior said, crying in pain because Hanschen ripped off his reproductive organ.

"Melchi, where do we even go?" Hanschen said, holding the detached penis. "Where is the Corn Lord?"

Melchior ignored the pretentious blonde boy, climbing upon the monument. He licked his finger and put it into the air. "Ah, if the wind blows briskly North, near the Corn Kingdom... Then we should go South!"

Kass rolled her eyes, "Um, hey, you fricking doofus, let's just go to the Corn Kingdom." 

Melchior screeched and began to protest, but was cut off by a loud whirring sound. It was this huge-ass spaceship. It abducted Melchior, Kass, and Hanschen. Not Melchior's penis though, that was left behind. 

"No! My penis!" yelled Melchior. Melchior's poor, little micropenis laid with the corn. A tear streamed down Kass's face. How emotional. 

The three were taken into the spaceship. A heavily armored guard took them and slammed them into a cell. "Stay in there, you scoundrels."

Hanschen picked up a key off the ground and turned it in the lock. "This is literally too easy," He sighed. 

The three "scoundrels" walked down the hallway of the spaceship when Kermit the frog came at them at a threateningly high speed. Kass yelled, "Guys, I'll fend him off! Go!"

Hanschen and Melchior jumped out of the spaceship window as Kass threw herself at the Muppet. Upon impact, the spaceship exploded. Kass and everyone else on that spaceship died. 

Hanschen cried in pretentious as they fell. "I can't believe Kass is dead!" Melchior yelled, "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU RIPPED MY DICK OFF, BUT THAT HAPPENED ANYWAYS DIDN'T IT?"

Hanschen was rendered speechless for once. He was right. They landed on a patch of corn in the Corn Kingdom. They ran into the big corn castle to see none other than Otto Lammermeier sitting upon a corn throne. It was him. The Corn Lord.

"Who doth disturbeth thine wedding?!" Otto said. Next to him stood Big Bird, bound by ropes. He was being married against his own will. He looked pretty good in that wedding gown, though. 

"It is me!" Hanschen yelled.

"And also, me!" Melchior yelled, trying to outdo him.

The two bickered back and forth about who disturbeth thine wedding first until Otto yelled. "Guards! Get rid of these two!"

A member of the congregation at the wedding jumped out of his seat in front of Hanschen and Melchior. It was Bobby Maler. He certainly was the best. "Don't worry, I've seen Kung Fu Panda." 

Bobby Maler fought off all of the Corn Lord's guards, then winked at Hanschen.

"Here's my number..." Hanschen said, slipping his number down his pants.

Hanschen tucked the piece of paper right next to Bobby's dick so every time the paper would rub against his junk, Bobby would think of him.

"Stop flirting with him and help me kill Otto!" Melchior ye

["Not so fast!" Steven Sater said, crashing through the author's window, accompanied by Duncan Shiek playing some jazzy tunes on his guitar. "You can't write this about the characters of Spring Awakening!"

Alex, the author, looked up from his laptop screen. "Why not?"

Steven glared at Alex. "Because they're from my-" Duncan stared at Steven. "OUR musical. This is crude and we won't allow it. Also, because I'm a meanie poopoo face who ruined Hanschen's character in the musical by making him creepy and romanticizing Melchior's rape scene."

"You know what?" Alex said, grabbing his powerade. "Fuck you! Fuck you, Steven Sater! Go back to the little Goblin hole where you're from!" Alex launched the powerade at Steven. not knowing that this was his greatest weakness. Steven turned into an evil little Goblin and crawled out of Alex's home. 

Duncan stood, mortified. Alex felt a big bad for him, so he let the composer stay while he wrote.]

 

"Stop flirting with him and help me kill Otto!" Melchior yelled as he grabbed Hanschen, pulling him towards Otto who was beginning to escape. "No one can stop the Corn Lord! Nyeeh!" 

Otto threw several husks of corn, only one impaled Melchior. The german schoolboy bled out onto Otto's floor with Hanschen by his side.

"Hanschen, before I die.. I have something to tell you.." Melchior said, spitting up blood.

"What is it?" Hanschen said, tears in his eyes.

"I've always..."

"Yes?"

"Wanted to do... THIS."

Melchior suddenly ripped Hanschen's dick off, avenging his own penis.

Hanschen cried out as he saw Melchior clutching onto his dick as he died. Despite the pain, Hanschen managed to rip Otto from the ceiling and kick his ass into outer space, like how George W. Bush kicked Jar Jar Binks into space in the previous installment of MMM The Big Slappy. (If you remember that you're a real one.) 

Hanschen freed the prisoners and they thanked him.

"Wendla.. Joe.. Mitt Romney," Hanschen said, hugging them. "I've missed you all."

"Uh, hey, bitch, what about me?" said Georg Zirschnitz. 

"I only care about the ex-prisoners, get fucked, Georg." Hanschen said, rolling his eyes.

Georg screamed and then stopped. "Guys, have you seen my wife? She was supposed to be here," He checked his titty phone. It's like a regular phone but it looks like a titty. "An hour ago?"

Everyone was silent. Georg had no idea his wife had died on the spaceship saving Melchior and Hanschen. 

"She died, yo." said Mitt Romney.

"MITT YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT," HANSCHEN SCREECHED IN ALL CAPS AND NO PUNCTUATION. 

Georg beat the shit out of Mitt Romney and then cried as he buried himself in the dirt, next to all of the corn. 

Hanschen caressed the ground that Georg was under. "Rest well, sweet titty prince."


End file.
